Silly Girl, Treats are for... How does that go again?

There are moments in my life where my brain just hurts. Some of these moments include bad tests, jumping in the shower that leads to heading a retractable window. These moments can be simply explained. Stupidity is usually the culprit. Then every once in a while, the culprit is just something random and simply off. And yes, you guessed it, my brain hurt recently.

It begins three weekends ago, Friday night I believe. This like most Friday nights involved three grandiose parties. Each offered a slightly similar experience. For this story, I focus on the second party.

I walked out to the front porch where I noticed the cool air and some chill people. She was down the stairs talking to some guy. Cute in a silly way. She definitely was silly. Short of a minute in to the conversation, we began air arm wrestling. This set a really fun vibe for the conversation. We chitchat and vibe over nothing ‘til she decides to head out. She says goodbye as my phone settles into my pocket, warm with her number.

Move on to a weekend later, the night of my intro to threesomes. The Tb twins have gone by this time. I came up the stairs. I spot a pretty face. Pretty in a silly girl way. My friend is talking to a guy next to the silly girl. I walk over.

“New People!!”

She turns and gives me the prettiest smile.

“I know you.”

“Really?” I reply

She explains the night from the previous weekend. Her name and moments snap back into my mind. I immediately smile. I bend toward her and whisper into her ear for the rest of the conversation. Making sure to clarify the situation with the guy next to her. The vibe seems to carry over form the last weekend.

I walk away from that night, smiling. A solid experience gained and a fun girl who peaked my interest reappears. Fun times.

I shoot her a call the next day. I notice I don’t ever call enough. One or two calls and that’s it. We talk briefly.

I call her a couple more times during the week. Then Thursday night rolls around. With the Red Sox playing beautifully, I pick up the phone. Make the call. It picks up. Clicks just as fast.

A brief wait then I call back.

“Hello.”

An angry, unfamiliar voice replied back at me. Confused, I just kept banter with this girl. I can’t just hang up, that would be too easy. The conversation ends harshly.

I was a little lost on what just happened. I’ve been in some weird situations but this was off the road completely. The only rationale I had. I just got played hard. Silly girl put her friend on the phone to blow me off. That reasoning definitely did not make sense.

I scroll through my phonebook, highlight silly girl’s phone number and delete. It was tough but life happens.

So Monday afternoon lunch rolls around. By this time I have pushed the situation out of my mind in general. I had my tray in hand, waiting for a friend. In case you were wondering, a hamburger with fries and salad. Never fails. She pops out of nowhere. Our eyes lock. She carried a solemn look.
“Did you talk to my drunk roommate?” she asks.

Confusion floods over me again. She goes on to explain her roommate’s drunken night. After this, I couldn’t help but think that giving up this girl now would be stupid. It’ll probably lead to brain pain.

I walk away from her pretty smile, promising to call during the week.

It was a weird series of events. I can’t wait for what comes next.

Marvel

Best Floor Ever: iHudson

I can't say how much I love my floor. From the CA to my floormates it's awesome.

I remember over the summer when many people were looking for roommates, comtemplating whether or not to go potluck. Potluck = randomn choice. I had no doubt, i was going potluck.

I ended up on one of the best floors. Everytime, someone visits this floor they talk about how much they wish they were on it. No day goes by that we don't talk, argue or laugh together.

At the beginning, it was just my wing that was social. Eventually it spread.

This video shows how awesome/weird my floor is.

This was made by neighbor across the hall. There are a couple of people who aren't from our floor that are in it. I make a guest appearance but you have to look hard to spot me. Though, apparently I am in there three times.

Check it out.

Marvel

The Spark

Sparks of life still amaze me. What I've come to realize is life doesn't ever really yield to our wants. We end up having to adapt to it and some people are better at that than others. Though every once in a while life seems into include us in its higher plans.

I experienced something that seem really close to a spark yesterday. I have experienced more than my fair share of these since I've been in college. This adventure like many of others involves a girl.

It began a while back. I saw her in the cafeteria around dinner time I believe. I wanted to meet her. Nowadays thats like "I want to sit down." I don't think I ever had problems sitting though so it may not be completely similar.

I see her sit across the dinning hall. At this time, I didn't have to belief in myself to pull the classic, "Hi, I'm Marvel." So I walk acrosss the hall past where she is sitting into an empty room full of chairs and tables. I guess I wanted to build momentum, physics class finally had some use. I make the swing around. As I draw closer to her, I spot her "playing with her food." All I need.

"You shouldn't play with your food. Think about the kids in Africa." This was when I was into the whole children in Africa thing. Gotta to represent. (Note to self: never say "gotta to represent" ever again.)
"I wasn't playing with my food," she replies.
"Hmm... Well I'm Marvel."
"I think I've met you before," she notes just as her friend arrives at the table. The arrival of her friend and the statement threw me off a bit.
"I really got to stop meeting people. I'll see you around." This is me sort of leaving with my tail between my legs. I did catch her break a wide smile. Nice teeth.

Fast forward to a week later. I am standing at the top of the dorm stairs. Staring out into the cold afternoon, curious for something to fill the hour before the glorious mindfuck aka philosophy. She comes through the doors behind me.

"Hey you going to class," I say
"No, to the library."
"Can I come?" I say this in a "curious child" voice
"Well.."
"It's all up to you."
"I am going with my sisters." I love how girls refer to their sortitory mates as their sisters. Cute doesn't even begin to describe it.
"Cool, then" This is followed by a simple name exchange.
Just as she was walking away, my voice projects out,
"Hey M, for future reference I think you are very beautiful."
"Thank you."

Nothing special, I thought. Further I saw it as bad, sloppy if you will. Nonetheless, something was achieved.

So last night I stumble into the computer lounge. I see M and next to her is my CA's beautiful friend. I end up shooting the shit with my CA's friend. It was a bit weird to me that she was into the conversation, light banter and my curiousity firing off in question form. There was no real background for this. I finally mention M in a silly childlike way.

"O there she is," waving at her one chair away. She return it with a wide smile and complimentary wave.

My CA's friend leaves and I take the empty chair. There was work to be done. Political Science 7-page paper on current political campaign specifically Giuliani and Clinton's view on Healthcare, Taxes and Going Green. But a little diversion first. It was a quick light conversation, as I leave her to her work and begin mine. I try my best not to interrupt the learning process. It's too precious.

I sit researching my paper, confessing my love to the computer in an attempt to ensure a succesful printout. Every once in a while, I finding myself thinking "make something solid happen." After some time, I finish all that I can accomplish which I think includes making that computer fall for me. I get up to leave.

"See Ya."
The spark arrives.
"Hey we should hang out sometime."
With a slick smile, "Maybe," she replies. I crack a smile. Banter time.
"Maybe? From now on we should never answer a direct yes or no to each other, just maybe. The uncertainty will be good for our relationship, it will keep the spice." She is loving it.
"Maybe I will call you," I say as I pull out my phone. Number exchange and vibing ensues. I get up to finally leave.
"O yea, if you get frustrated working just think of me." Her giggly smile solidifies the vibe.

Walking away, I felt a little stunned at what just happened. Too easy or just right? I am claiming the latter. Either way, what I am suspecting as the spark and my own genius occured. It was beautiful as usual.

Marvel

Moments

I ran into an old friend today. Mcd's once again served a purpose.

It fasinates me the immediate reaction I recieve from people who I haven't seen in a long time. Whether the relationship between myself and them paused on good terms or bad ones, the immediate reaction is always the same. A shocking smile, intense and believable. I find myself immediately drawn to this, I give back and intense reflexive reaction. It doesn't matter what happen in the past, all that matters is that moment. So while I can't claim that moment or moments last as long as I would like, I know I wouldn't trade them for anything.

There have been several points in my life that I wished I could relive moments. I am sure I am no different from others. Like others, I can't. It does weird me out a little how many times since I've been in college I wished to relive moments. Either way, I am left to deal with the consequences, usually the hurt or sadness. Every once in a while, the smile or laughter.

I spent a good part of last night watching "Eternal Sunshine" starring Jim Carrey. As I watch his charater run in an attempt to preserve memories which hours before he wanted washed away, I saw myself in him. There were times my mind couldn't take the lost of a friend or the sadness that comes with severe disappointment. Sometimes, I consider being a realist to ease the blow of life's disappointments like others do. I think stop to think about the sweet moments that were inspired by my optimism and love for life. The run back to utter words I couldn't hold in. The laughter at the brillance of my friendships. It doesn't last long, always fleeting just like every other moment. Out of all the moments, few do something special.

They invade the mind, plant a flag that never seems to lose wind. The collection of moments build up a nation that inspires us to dream and create new moments. I know I will never uproot a single flag that has stake a claim upon my mind. It is my history that will continue 'til I die. That thought is inspiring. It lets me know that no matter what one moment brings, there will be many more to come. Each bringing something new and purposeful.

Marvel

Marvel's Intro to Threesomes

This friday was amazing.

It began with me running around my dorm, bored. The smell of booze was coming my way as the hour hand was about to hit 8. I had no means to booze, no need really. All I ever want is to have girls to talk to, as a friend from last night would say, to mac. By the way I hate the term, mac.

Anyway, I make a few calls. I still feel the sweat from playing soccer on Stank field. It still amazes me that I can sweat in cold winds. The dried up sweat was weighing me down. I washed out my face over the bathroom sink as the ringing from my phone on speaker made its rounds. The people that answer were "maybes" and "blow-offs." It was looking to be a lame night.

I moved down the second boys wing in search of my friends, wannabe frat boys who are not too far from it. No answer from inside despite my knocking. I turn to see the door of a acquintance open. I peer in and say hello. He was looking good all dressed up, I soon realized it was his birthday party today. "Yes I got something."

We made small talk, which never feels small just stupid and slightly annnoying. I made a comment about his party, covered it up with a false transition. He disregarded the transition and offered an invite. One point for marvel.

I now had a plan. I wanted to bring along a new friend of mine. Alex. He is a really cool guy from head to toe. It seems all the people from Cali just are. I give him a guy, shoot the shit which in case you were wondering is a higher form of small talk. Just slightly plain and enough stupid, if that made sense.... did it? doesn't matter, I can't hear you.

I give him an invite along. Forgetting I need to secure a ride. "I'll call you back." I head back to the room of my acquaintance soon to be buddy. He was gone but his roomie was there. I don't recall how but it happens that he would give Alex and I a ride. Awesome.

Come 9:50. We are off. We trade stories about drunk and messed up people we've been around. The lephraun who happened to be a missing boy was the best story of all, credit: not me. We arrive. The party isn't anything yet. Alex and I run into Alex's friends. I stand there observing the room as Alex converses with them. We take it to the backyard. Cool night, good weather.

After five minutes of this, it's party time. The masses come.

Fast forward to some point upstairs, two girls standing by themselves.

Hi I'm Marvel. (name intro)
Why are you two by yourselfs?
(shooting shit with a shogun at this point)
Hmm well I am going to go downstairs bye.
(step away, retract)
Hey come journey with me.

And they do. Downstairs, we talk. It is there. I am suprised they didn't pull their hair out with the way they were touching and twirling it. I make a move toward the sexual talk. It begins with sex stories.
Hiralous shit about a turkish guy talking dirty to one of the girls in turkish, leads to my story of my new york weird week and then on to something with a strap that was definitely so bad I must have selective amensia towards it.
I make a joke or two or three about a threesome, which they eat up. At one point, girl coding happens. The looking of each other in the eye. Then I move for group hugs, at one point attempt to kiss both of them which recieve interesting giggles.

It was on. I then made the mistake of moving the party upstairs. Out of isolation. What the fuck. Yea, same thing I said. We seperate and I end up in the mist of a phone flushed down the toliet fiasco. Gave me a good laugh. Then I meet a girl who I met last week but didn't recall until she called my phone and gave me her name. Hmm what does that situation say about me. Please don't answer that.

I then go back to my tricycle buddies. I end up dancing with them and figurign out which one was more into me. We'll call her TB1 and then TB2 was a little more reserved but still interested. They get a call from a drunk friend. They must go. They must go, yet they hang around for 15 more minutes. All of which I treated like it was my 15 minutes of fame. I pulled TB1 into a corner and stated my interest in her and all that good stuff. And then stated my interest in her friend. To which she offer some time with her friend for me to get the number. HMMM what does that moment say about me.

I state my interest in TB2 and TB1 to TB2. That last sentence makes me feel extra special, TB3, TB4, did I mention TB5. Anyway, I get both numbers and felt good. Hugged both. Escalate a little bit with TB1 a little later before she had to go.

They left and I smiled.

Now what does that last sentence say about me?

Marvel

Announcement

So I just got an awesome idea.

I orginally created this blog to document my college experience. I found that most of the time I end up just documenting my thoughts in relation to the events that happen. In order to make sure this blog doesn't become just my thoughts, I am adding a story of the week to the blog.

So starting next week, I will post a story of a day, event, whatever.

That's all for now

Until tomorrow

Marvel

YEP,

hmmm I am not sure what I wish to write about.

well who cares. we'll see what comes next

Marvel

Marvel's first frat night

I missed what seems to be two days.

For tonight, I hung out over at a frat house. They were really chill. There were no "bros" around. Everyone was just hanging out. The soritory girls were fun to talk to, all of them were also chill some were funnier than others.

Well I am too tired to give a solid post of any sort.

So until later today

Marvel

Simple

Identity with my Self.

There isn't much to say today.
Just a smile.
It's simple and straight forward.

Today, like everyday, had its moments

I transcended it.

Simple

Until tomorrow,
Marvel

Life Is Change

My willingness to fail has been flucating lately.

It's been bred into me just like everyone else. Failure is a scary thought. Basing self-confidence on accomplishments and if things are being done "right". I have to let go of that ideal. Failure isn't real, it's all psychological. No one on top will ever tell you they got there cause they never failed. They will probably tell you that their failures got them to their position. It's counter-intuitative but I know I personally always learn more from my failures than my successes.

Still it's tough to let go of that ideal of perfection. The image that society puts out is "it just happens." Either you got it or you don't. This foolish ideal has suppressed some many minds.

Simple question: how did those who got it, get it in the first place?
Answer: they worked for it.

They know there is no magic pill. Life isn't linear. It goes in waves. That's why it isn't possible to be happy all the time. I can enjoy my life in sadness and happiness, for sure. I don't think I always feel good. I do know I will always appreciate what I am feeling or where I am. Why?

Energy. Time. These are the most valueable resources. "Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely." I choose to use my time and energy to grow constantly. Growth can be constant. It's all a mindset.

I recall a paper I wrote in 10th grade, it opened "Sadly so, change happens." I remember my really good friend, amazing guy, making fun of it. I now laugh at that thought. Change will always happen, I can accept it and transcend the surface circumstances and grow because of it.

I trust myself enough that no matter what right or wrong, I'll be better for it. My mindset is "I choose growth."

I realize I am reaching a state of self-awareness. It is becoming more constant. I am letting go of a lot of selfish ideals I adopted to get out of my weak mindsets when I was younger. I am growing.

I am letting go of the measuring of failure and accomplishment i.e. always judging if what I am doing at the moment is right or wrong. I can look back not for long. I notice learning from mistakes is a quick process. It doesn't take overthinking like most people think. A lot of the time the overthinking comes from not being able to seperate emotions out of a situation. Emotions are healthy for sure but I find in the learning process and growth process emotions hinder more often than not.

Until tomorrow
Marvel

Thoughts in mind

Almost went over again.

Anyway today was inspiring. I had real cool text convo with someone the previous night that got me thinking about several things. It is pretty interesting how small things can have huge impacts. So I spent about an hour looking up quotes then cutting and pasting them around my desk and laptop. My favorites are:

The trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Hell, there are no rules here -- we're trying to accomplish something
Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

Those three really get to me. I deal with some weird things at times. I end up going inside to figure things out. I always thought that if I had a more consisent father figure, life would be so much easier. I don't know if I am right or if 5 years down the road I will think the same. I just know that at times it is generally difficult to handle situations that I've never been in. I sometimes feel I lack any real principles that a father would have given a son. All I have are the ones I acquired myself. So doubt comes in, I am right.

The only principle that has never been put into doubt: nothing worth while comes easy. I probably stuck to that one the most just because it seems I deal with a lot of things that can easily limit me if I let it. I try to choose growth all the time. Face my fears and never back down in the face of a challenge. It's tough. The eerie feeling I get in my stomach. The doubt that knocks on my mind's door. I can't explain any of it. I sometimes attempt to. I have been trying to just go with it. Knowing in the end, I'll be better for it.

I guess in the end, things will resolve themselves somehow. I make mistakes, I will end up making many more. That is the price of constantly pushing ahead and choosing greatness over medicrioty. I am no where near greatness. I see faults in myself everyday. Tough way to live. I feel like something I should strive for is positivity. So I am going to take the positivity challenge. '
Rule
Only positive thoughts for the next ten days
If I entertain any negative thoughts for more than two seconds, I have to start all over completely again.
To make it tougher, no self-defeating thoughts, no bad mouthing anyone.

Well those last two wouldn't be too hard really. So it begins now. It should be fun. It will be fun.

Until tomorrow

Marvel

Drama and Challenge

Damn so I am about 50 minutes off.

O well

Ok so, today was intense. From 2 am in the morning, its been drama filled. I am not even sure where to begin. Things keep happening and coming out the wood works.

It seems the moment I am come to the realization. Life throws me all these challenges.

At one point around 3 am, I was so fucking confused. There I was on the phone hearing things that were confusing the hell out of me. At 3 am isn't no time for someone to handle anything beyond a five word sentence.

I pulled myself together and got to bed. The actually morning comes around and things get resolved some how.
The only thing I really care about is I was able to talk to my friend in florida today. We had a good conversation. It is always fun to touch base and see where we are and how things are going.

Some funny things on both ends that we can just laugh about. Overall I can't say there was anything wrong with today or rather yesterday. I end up cancelling my japanese tutor by accident but other than that it was a good day. Yes, that includes the drama. It just helped me grow as a man. I want more challenges.

Until later today

Marvel

An End Worth The Means

It has become apparent to me over the last couple of days that something is off.

I can't say what but I feel the breakthrough coming. I have reach this moment before. It is the brick wall on the path. The path behind it is smooth and fine. The brick wall is there to determine if I deserve the path. DO I fall flat and give up or DO I push on?

One of the things I've strived to be is a leader. A great one. I must say it is one of the hardest things to do.

I have noticed alot of guys who have great potential for leadership. Some are even leaders now. It seems that at my age to be a leader involves the wrong things. A leader is the head of the group and represents everything said group stands for. At my age, a group of similar age kids have a lot of stupid things in mind. Things I don't align with.

I have always wondered why I find it so hard to fit into any group. I sometimes thought it had to do with the fact that I don't like being a follower. But that would be wrong. I know I used to follow my best friend around. And I loved hanging out with him and letting him lead. So when I go back and think about it. I followed him around because he had something I wanted or at least he stood for something I wanted to stand for too.

The simple thing there is that is just a two person group. Now what about a five person group. Also, in my opinion, that group style I had with my friend wasn't good. It involved dependence rather than interdependce. Interdependence is independent people coming together for a common cause. They know that they don't need each other but it wouldn't hurt to align with one another.

I simply want to be the leader of a group of independent guys. But once again it is a diffucult thing to find, truly independent guys with solid sense of selfs and personality at my age. Also let's not forget the fact that I am not at that level of self yet. I feel it's close though. I feel the change coming.

I trust that when I become the man I truly want to be. A man who is centered, knows who he is fully and powerful within himself. People will notice and the right guys will align with me.

These ideas are basics. Yet to me, they are powerful. I am still on my way to being the man I wish to be. I am constantly striving towards that goal. I believe that once I am there, the right leadership role will come. It is a slow process. All transformations/evolutions are. Nonetheless it is a process worth the ends.

I just have to rememeber to focus on the present. Gain intense presence which is no easy task. Once again it is a means that is worth its ends.

Until tommorrow,

Marvel

Who am I?

Ok so last night was a flurry of emotion.

I realize that I don't really know who I am. My identity. I asked myself "who am i?" All I could say was "I am a young beautiful man." That is such a simple identity. It isn't strong enough to hold up against certain things. I realize that some times I become reactive. So I decide to figure out who I am.

So the question is who am I?

I am a student of life.
I am a teacher.
I am a friend
I am a family member.
I am a writer.
I am a listener.
I am positive.
I am self-aware.
I am powerful within myself.
I am a socializer.
I am a human being.
I am a man.
I am a soccer fan.
I am a dreamer.
I am an explorer.
I am a fighter.
I am evolving.
I am a worker
I am Marvel.

I am still very young so that explains why I found it hard at some points to figure out who I am exactly. I sometimes forget where I am in life. It messes with my mind how much I have changed. How my identity transformed over the years. More thoughts and answers to "who am I" keep popping into my head. I doubt I can ever list all of them. My identity is flexible. I changes over time. The evolution is non stop which is simply the natural way of life. As for now, I am done. So until tomorrow.

Marvel

The Realization

Today, I came to a point of realization.

It wasn't anything more than a simple thought, an insight. I realized I have to get back to my growth in full. I went off the path a little. Yes, I;ve been getting better with girls and everything but it hasn't been coming from a place of drive. It's just been happening. Yes, it is a result of the previous work I've put in but I can't settle. I am no where near my goal.

I sat and thought about where I am heading. It was at around 12:30 am that I knew once again. My goal: writer/designer for the London Based GQ magazine. That is a long way ahead for sure. But just knowing that, knowing I have somewhere I wish to go is enough. I know full well that on my way there I will add more goals, learn more things, adapt my personality and such. And yes, when I get there, there be another thing I want to accomplish. For some, this would be stupid. "Just live," I hear it in my head now. I am down to just live and enjoy life but not without a purpose. I know I am not who I am today due to just living. I had a goal. I know that I wouldn't trade those tough times that got me here for anything.

It's all very small. The changes are slow and steady. It's only every once in a while that abrupt and intense change occurs. Most people spend more of their time worrying about how hard the path will be, how long it will be. There is a simple quote that distill all those excuses.

"Every journey begins with the first step."

It's so easy to stand there, complaining about how long the walk to the store will be and how much time it will take. I've come to realize the more I complain about the situations, the longer anything takes.

Excuses are so useful for just living. Excuses allow you to rationalize anything you want. I can find an excuse to not go to class for the rest of the day. I can find an excuse to drop out of school. It's as easy as focusing my thoughts on the negative. I can't do that to myself, I wouldn't let myself do that. I know the world is full of opportunity. I rather not limit myself with negative thoughts and bullshit when the world already does a fine job of that.

It is with that that I list my goals for the rest of the year. And already excuses have starting creeping into my head. Nonetheless, I choose what I focus on.
Here are the goals...

Write every day on this blog, no matter what time or how long or how tired I am
Work out every other day at the recreational center
Live life with purpose
Make choices and face all fears
Work hard in school as in studying everyday for at least an hour (def more than that anyway)


These are really simple and some are kind of vague. Nonetheless they are goals, hence a start.

So until tomorrow, I give my love.

Marvel