The Manifestation of Love and Excellence

The manifestation of love and excellence. That is now my purpose.

I am now in a state of joy. I once asked the question, "is it possible?" The most interesting thing about that is by just asking the question, I answered it. It is a possibility and now a reality. The sense of bliss comes from the power of love and separation from ego.

Through my life, I've always felt this uncanning feeling of love for others, I feel myself taking on other people emotions. Intense sometimes. So intense that I was moved to tears once.

I recall the second semester of my senior year in high school. It was a Friday night I believe. My friend and I decided to go to the movies but first we went to MacDonald's. She pulled the car into a parking spot across the MacDonalds. Next to us was a guy in his car. He had on rimmed glasses and he was staring into nothingness, eating his sandwich. I do not know what he was thinking of or what mind state he was in for a matter of fact. But I felt this heart splitting pain. It made me hurt bad. I walked away unsure of what to do. I felt a strong impulse to do something.

That event was too perfect for me to just write it off. I sat at the MacDonald's wondering why I felt like that and what I could do about it.

I am happy to be in this moment that I am. When I look back at my life, the journey so far is nothing short of amazing. I know for a fact it will continue in that same path. So tonight, having enough energy to stay awake and read, I decided on a higher purpose. The manifestation of love and excellence. I am not sure how I will go about this yet. But this purpose will guide my every action and decision. I am sure something will be revealed soon. Either way I will wait patiently and fulfill this purpose in all ways that I am capable of.

Marvel

This Day Was Simple and Revealing

I woke up this morning with a burning desire. It was mixed with intense fear. I felt like I was the only man on earth. I AM LEGEND had an impact on me I guess.

The previous night/day was one of the most revealing days/nights ever. It started simply. I woke up, exercised and meditated. I had plans to meet up with a friend from the summer who I used to hit the malls with.

Come around 1, I head out. I felt I look rather good in my outfit. A dazing blue shirt with a black tie, black vest, black jeans and checker vans. I got on the train heading to Lechmere. It was packed. I ended up standing in the stairwell area of the train. I tried my best to breath through the situation. Deep breathing. I arrived at Lechmere, got off the train and headed to the Food Court part of the mall. I gave my friend a call, five minutes later he arrived.

It had been a while like I said earlier but the situation didn't translate that. We were making easy conversation whether by force or nature. We walked around sharing our college experience, stopped once to sit in one of the mall massage chairs. Not worth it in my eyes. We soon decided to leave the mall and go to Copley mall.

Copley mall is a beautiful mall intertwined with two hotels, the Marriot and the Sheraton. We took the train down to Copley. Haven forgotten our jackets in my friend's car, we braved the cold which thanks to global warming was too bad. As we entered copley it was like wow. I ran into two old friends, who sadly I didn't remember the names of. That fact eventually came out. Sad, Sad Stuff. SSS. I am going to use that much more.

We explored a new side of Copley. The hotel sides to be specific. We ended up in a Chapel. Wow are the words to describe the feeling the Chapel exuded. It was so peaceful. The walls filtered out the sound from outside. I felt like I had moved into a new world. Upon exiting, the choas of Copley seemed so calm. It was almost real not the usual hustle and bustle "i don't know anyone here, stick to my own pacK" stuff.

We talked about the feeling of the Chapel, joked that everyone should have to enter into it before entering the mall. But of course I would dare hope for that to be real, thats lawsuits awaiting. We made our way into Barnes and Noble. We came across the book "2012" which we guessed gave the details to the legend the world ends in 2012. If true, we only have 4 years left.

We made our way to the self-improvement section. We spend a good time here. Half joking around and the other sharing ideas and thoughts on the effects of the books, books we've read and such and such. We ended picking up books. He picked up "Blink" and "Power or Force." I picked up "Power or Force" as well. "Blink" talks about instincts and first impression. Fun Fact: People are right 80% of the time on their judgement of others. "Power or Force" talks about ego-death and the stages of human consciousness. Good reads, I still want to finish Casanova's autobiography. I give it a week.

From there we proceeded back to Lechmere. I ran into someone else I knew. That was the fourth time and I met another person later that night. Good day for me. On our way to the train station, we began talking about the levels of consciousness. On the train, I barraged my friend with questions about it. I was so curious.

We arrived back at Lechmere and entered his car with the intentions of dropping me off at home. As we drove, my friend kept talking about an EFT coach, i believe. What the coach does is help someone go back into childhood, pull up repressed memories and "confront" them. This conversation led to us talking about our childhood. We both revealed things from gay experiences to early childhood sexual shit. It is crazy how things happened when we were younger and how it can hold us back later in life. We talked about how several people gained success only after they let go of childhood things that they held on to so tightly that the memories became lost in the subconscious. Life is funny like that.

We ended up making our way to the movies instead. We went in to see National Treasure. The movie was good, every once in a way I got goose bumps when Nicholas Cage made a new discovery. It was my desire to achieve freedom in the "Aha!!" sense.

The movie ended and I took the best piss of my life. He dropped me off and I went to bed about 30 minutes later. The day was amazing. Simple and revealing, My friend received a couple of epiphanies. I just got a lot off my chest and probably released a few demons and blocks in my life. I am thankful for amazing friends as usual.

Much Love
Marvel

"Do You Do This Often?" "Not at 2 in the morning"

The passion I feel for this woman is amazing. The way I met matches that passion in its weirdness, intensity and everything between.

It was a Monday night. I had Poli Sci the next day at 8 am. So I decided to go to bed early aka 10 pm. Early enough. I turn the lights off, expecting my roommate not to be back in the next 2 hours, enough to pass out and not be bothered if the lights are turned on.

My eyes crack open to the light. 11:30 pm it said on the microwave. Shit. I roll around. It turns to 12:30, the lights go off. My eyes start open. I toss and turn. It turns to 2 am. Frustration.

I roll out of bed. Get dress in the dark. Head out. I walk out with no ipod this time.

I walk into the marketplace. Not too many people. I see a girl working. She looks up and smiles. I return the favor. Pretty smile.

I walk into the market and simply didn't want anything. I think to myself, "It's up to you, approach or not."

I approach.
"Hi I am going to bother you." I don't think my smile has ever been better.

I don't recall the words she reply back with. They were most likely "o no problem." I went on to comment on what she was doing, mundane stuff. She kept using big words. Personally at 2 in the morning, big words are not good friends.

I replied back, "You know alot of big words." She went on to give me a quick lecture on how intelligence is constant. To which I simply replied, "Good point."

She kept talking. Kept outwitting me. I found it all hilarious then something hit me. I was a bit shocked.
"Wow to think I would have met you now at this time."

See my brother always told me I would meet my match, intellectual anyway, in college. I've never been the smartest but no one ever really matched me on the overall package you could say. So I was taken aback, she gave everything I threw at her in double folds.

"I am awkwardly attractive to you," I said to her. She gave me an interesting look. "You are pretty no doubt." Here I checked out her breasts which were exposed. Looking back, that was awesome how I didn't flinch. It was like yes you are pretty, BOOBS - check. Moving on. Fun times.

So I sat down. Here something interesting happened. We got on to talk about sports, specifically what we played in high school. She was a basketball player and of course I am a soccer player. We got on to a debate, maybe the fifth of the night about which one was more complex. She claimed soccer was. She gave her points and such, I listened. Then my turn, I rebut. She nods her head in agreement and acceptance of my claim. Then I contradict myself personally. Destroying my argument.

"Hmm I just let you win, never done that before." She smiled at this. By this time, that smile was becoming something I wanted to see again.

We continue conversation. I didn't really know what was happened. Everything was clicking. NO THINKING. It was like all the other times were just prep for this. Weird and awesome at the same time.

I turn my head to see the clock at 3 am. A hour long conversation with no break really. Now that is solid.

I pull out my phone.

"If its my number you want, ain't going to happen," she calmly stated. Yes as you can imagine my face express shock and awe.

"Nothing personal, I just don't give it out like that. But you can have my email."
"Email people still do that," I rebutted. Yes they do. We exchanged emails. About two days later I believe, I emailed her.

"I want to see you again. I would love to continue or rather start a new conversation with you."

We met up for lunch. Once again, conversation was potent. Once again, it felt like the rest were just prep for this. Weird but awesome with a hint of inspiration.

So that was about 4 or 5 weeks ago. We still doing the email thing. It's progressing well and its still feels like everything else was prep. I smile when I think of her.

Can you say jackpot?

I can.
Marvel

It's Been A While Huh

Well it definitely has been. Christmas is in two days, I can't wait. I came close to blowing my account but what else is christmas for, don't say loving.

These past weeks were amazing. All I can say is, I met a woman who took me out of the runt.

It was weird not feeling any desire for women. It was like I had lost a part of myself. I spend the extra time and energy working on some new plans for business, which is looking pretty good. So it wasn't all bad. When i have a good chance and extra time, I'll put the detailed story of meeting her. As for now, I am going to eat my microwaved potato, relax into the couch, love the moment and then watch the Patriots continue a perfect season.

Much Love
Marvel

"Vanity of Vanities. All is Vanity"

There has been something pressing on my mind lately. It doesn't seem to pass through like the other thoughts.

As I was walking through the campus, shielding my body from the frosty wind. The thought hit me as fierce as the wind. I looked up to the sky and was reminded of a quote from the bible.

"Vanity of Vanities, All is Vanity."

It's such a simple quote. In a way, it means nothing really matters. The work, the clothes, the songs, the words, even the friends. Though, that interpretation seems a little harsh.

But in essence, that is the pure meaning. It is simple wisdom. I find that with that thought, it puts things are ease. Life is simple. Life isn't so huge thing that can't be conquered. Life really is meant to be conquered. It's meant to be lived.

That is simple enough. But I've been in moments where that simple wisdom was lost by me. Some moments I stop living life and start fighting it. Trying to mount a flag and claim it as my own, I control it. Fortunately, I never won that fight.

It can be easy to want to take up arms against life. It comes at me sometimes and stabs hard, piercing my skin. It hurts bad. I want to fight, I want to scream, I want to justify myself. It takes good self control not to justify myself.

I've sat in moments that seem anger surrounded me. In these moments, I just wanted to explain, to make them understand why. Maybe they would stop. I try a few times. Fortunately, my explanations were met with more anger.

To be more specific, here is a simple example. I come across people who know me before I ever know them. This situation tends to bring judgements of what and who I am. The judgements tend to be good. Every once in a while, they are bad. They are piercingly bad.

It takes me by suprise when I recieve that reaction. I remember the first few times. I was shocked. In a way, I shrunk into the fetal position like I was just drilled in the stomach. Laying there, I kept trying to explain to them, to myself. Seeking answers.

It took me a while til I realize, what will be, will be. It's ok either way. The tricky thing is in order to disregard the negative reactions, I had to disregard the positive ones as well. It's impossible to take just the positive. It's a coin and all coins are double sided. No way around that.

But the light behind all of this:

"Vanity of Vanities, All is Vanity."

Truly, it doesn't matter. Either way, good reaction, bad reaction. Constantly clubbing or constantly studying. In the end, none of it will be there with you in the grave. No one will be worried about what you are doing, when they are six feet under just like you.

So what now? Just live, just love. Despite what anyone says, just go.

I can't say how much I wish I knew this early. But the past is gone. The future is coming but not soon enough for me to be looking for it. I rather just stay in the present and live. Live through the negative, indulge it all including the pain. Indulge in the love. Simply because, love and pain are vanities.

They are also the indregients of life. So eat up and enjoy it. Live life.

These words are more for myself then whoever reads this thing. O well, thats all for now.

Marvel