"Vanity of Vanities. All is Vanity"

There has been something pressing on my mind lately. It doesn't seem to pass through like the other thoughts.

As I was walking through the campus, shielding my body from the frosty wind. The thought hit me as fierce as the wind. I looked up to the sky and was reminded of a quote from the bible.

"Vanity of Vanities, All is Vanity."

It's such a simple quote. In a way, it means nothing really matters. The work, the clothes, the songs, the words, even the friends. Though, that interpretation seems a little harsh.

But in essence, that is the pure meaning. It is simple wisdom. I find that with that thought, it puts things are ease. Life is simple. Life isn't so huge thing that can't be conquered. Life really is meant to be conquered. It's meant to be lived.

That is simple enough. But I've been in moments where that simple wisdom was lost by me. Some moments I stop living life and start fighting it. Trying to mount a flag and claim it as my own, I control it. Fortunately, I never won that fight.

It can be easy to want to take up arms against life. It comes at me sometimes and stabs hard, piercing my skin. It hurts bad. I want to fight, I want to scream, I want to justify myself. It takes good self control not to justify myself.

I've sat in moments that seem anger surrounded me. In these moments, I just wanted to explain, to make them understand why. Maybe they would stop. I try a few times. Fortunately, my explanations were met with more anger.

To be more specific, here is a simple example. I come across people who know me before I ever know them. This situation tends to bring judgements of what and who I am. The judgements tend to be good. Every once in a while, they are bad. They are piercingly bad.

It takes me by suprise when I recieve that reaction. I remember the first few times. I was shocked. In a way, I shrunk into the fetal position like I was just drilled in the stomach. Laying there, I kept trying to explain to them, to myself. Seeking answers.

It took me a while til I realize, what will be, will be. It's ok either way. The tricky thing is in order to disregard the negative reactions, I had to disregard the positive ones as well. It's impossible to take just the positive. It's a coin and all coins are double sided. No way around that.

But the light behind all of this:

"Vanity of Vanities, All is Vanity."

Truly, it doesn't matter. Either way, good reaction, bad reaction. Constantly clubbing or constantly studying. In the end, none of it will be there with you in the grave. No one will be worried about what you are doing, when they are six feet under just like you.

So what now? Just live, just love. Despite what anyone says, just go.

I can't say how much I wish I knew this early. But the past is gone. The future is coming but not soon enough for me to be looking for it. I rather just stay in the present and live. Live through the negative, indulge it all including the pain. Indulge in the love. Simply because, love and pain are vanities.

They are also the indregients of life. So eat up and enjoy it. Live life.

These words are more for myself then whoever reads this thing. O well, thats all for now.

Marvel