Just Go

I am sitting in my room, the lights brightly lit. My eyes are heavy from lack of sleep. My mouth warm from ramen noodles, tasty stuff.

In all there is for me to rant or rave about, I take a step back tonight and sit into myself for a minute. It's peaceful like a wide ocean, slowly coasting under the light of the moon.

So in moments like this when I can feel the calm, explain the calm in words, I indulge in it. So tonight would be no different.

Now you may be wondering what I am talking about. Why do I speak so poetically or rather so nonsensical. Either way, its a question I can not answer.

All I know is, I have search for different answers many times. I stayed in a room for an entire day. I have span the city in a day to find an answer to a burning question. A question that lingers in my mind, wandering back and forth, pacing itself to death.

I once heard the questions we ask ourselves determine the direction we go. Better yet, a new friend I met put it this way -- What we think, what we feel, we are.

Its a silly thought. But in reality, its such powerful truth. There are many complex questions and answers out there. People make a living answering complex things. People sit and yell from the mountain tops when they find an answer. Others come and surround eager to hear this answer. Hoping maybe its better than the last one. Maybe it'll be the answer to all the problems they face.

The words escape the lips of the answer-bringer. The words hit the ears of the listeners. The words flee through the opposing ear. Looks of "that's it." fill the crowd.

In such a mass, you would hope one, possibly one out of them all, would stop the words in their head. Trap them and let them stay a while and settle in. You would hope that one was not to anxious and impatient to not take the time to listen and pick up the words. The simple words to a complex questions. The words that have the power to destroy a question. The power of words.

It doesn't seem impossible that there are no real answers to the burning questions. It doesn't seem impossible that in truth, we know all the answers but we shy away from our own knowledge claiming it as imperfect. Demanding more proof.

Yes we can receive more proof. We can receive enough proof to disprove the answers we first had. We can then proudly say "Ah, I knew it."

Yes you did. Why was there a need for affirmation that you knew it. Why seek external proof or new words to replace the old ones. Truly why?

It's come to my attention that much of searching for the right answer is pointless. You can stand with your keys in your pocket. Then beg the question, where are my keys? Go up and down, run around a few times. Stop and beg the question again, where are my keys?

The answer is lost within yourself. You denied the answer for some reason. Some silly lack of trust in yourself. The silly lack of trust grows into a want of approval and affirmation. It then feeds and feeds then shoots up into a need for approval and affirmation.

The many questions you ask now have answers. You are blind to the truth. The answers are illusions, good ones. Not that good but good enough for you to rationalize them as "answers."

So you do. You now have answers. But with each answer, comes a new question. It's the package. More need for answers, external ones. More need for approval and affirmation.

The spiral of questions and answer grow deeper until you find yourself in a pit, staring up to the sun. Its ray blinding you to the point you aren't sure how deep you stand. So you drop and decide to stop. No more.

You are deep though. Now what. How do you get out? Do you get out? More questions. More questions.

You've learned your lessons though. You are there because of questions. So you shut off your mind. You breathe. Then you explode and just go. You just do it.

No need for question and answer just do. You climb, you climb. The sun still blinding. But you climb. Suddenly you feel the top and you gather your strength and pull. You are out. You are now here.

It doesn't matter what else you've done. You are here. Out. On Top.

What now?

Have you not learned anything? Don't answer, please. Just go. Stay on top. Just do.

Go and do as you will. No need for external. You know what to do. It's there. It's here. So don't ask. Just go.

Marvel